[Avant Arte]

A MESSAGE FROM PAUL:
I now know how Sharon Osbourne feels
judging The X Factor. Over 400 swap’s
entered, and the range of swap's wildly diverse.
Pile's of plastic, body parts, dead fish, magic lesson’s
and lots of sentimental objects, some swap's I’d say
were boarder line child trafficking lol.

Annoyingly, Simon Cowell and Mel B pulled
out from the judging panel yesterday. So I was left
with no choice but to embrace the power of
a high-performance, military grade quantum supercomputer
to run advanced data scaling calculations of every
comprehensive digital swap received across all
official cybernated ecosystem’s.

Simulating multiple sizeable rendered files,
and deploying a wealth of classical physics
programs un-known to humankind. The vast
supercollider’s conducting processor’s excited
the self alternative AI nano transformative
technology's to optimise and compress the
complex swap megadata.

It did struggled at first due to the degree of complexity’s,
no computer has the working memory to handle all
possible swap permutation's presented.

Combining never before seen technique's,
and integrating error mitigation hypothesis,
molecular behavioural algorithm's began
to weave new synthetic tunnels with faster
multidimensional approaches to solving the
reduced decision pattern in this accelerating
problem to discover the final answer's.
Circuits of chemical ions trapped within magnetic
lithium fields, self developed multiple, tactical and
cloud-based models which led to the analogue
computing of the all important, and final
automated list of winners.

I've been advised, not to argue
with the computer's final decision.

Winning swaps in no particular order

• Dottman crochets plush
• Uri Gellers spoons
• Pins Advent Meme Calendar 2023
• FBI Identikit
• Derwent ltd pencil set
• LSD is my problem child
• OJ Simpson family photo
• The Paul Insect, Insect Hotel**

Thanks to everyone who took part. Your swaps were great!
Your data has been stored and will be used at a later date.
All the lucky winners shall be contacted.

I've have decided to offer ten runner up prizes,
it was that hard to choose. The problems I give myself.

Due to the number of amazing
swaps entered. The swaps listed below
shall receive a special consolation
prize for their swap submission.
You will be contacted.

• Carbon Prosthetic running leg - Thank you for your swap offer
• 2hrs Free Child Care on the Dover to Calais Ferry crossing. - can you do 25 May 2026?
• Magic Lessons with DNA Darren - sounds fun
• 20ton restored tramway tram.- Would love to come and visit one day.
• Grandparents used gravestone
• 6m tall inflatable waving blue H - Really wanted this.
• The human owl man - You were on and off the top list so many times.
• Deflated pineapple pool - classy
• Full size Egyptian sarcophagus - May be in Australia later this year so can test the fit,
• Bottle of Sauternes 1971 - Perfect to finish this list off.

[drip]

Congratulations to all the winners, and big thanks to Paul and Avant for the opportunity and fun.

[Skizz 82]

Congrats to all… it was really cool to partecipate…. I’ll win next time😂❤️

[Terry Fuckwitt]

Well done AA and PINS for such a great comp👌Congrats to all the worthy winners... except Owl Man aka Postal Pirate aka Kyle who's a dirty scammer and should receive nothing but a court summons

[My Name is Frank]

Well done, the offerings were so good that I chose in the end not to enter, glad to see so many of the offers that made me resist trying were chosen

[its all about me]

Congratulations to all the winners. That was fun, although I still think Drip deserved a prize for his Jack the Ripper mementoes.

[drip]

Darnit, I knew I should've offered Gillian Anderson's blouse, but I didn't want to make things weird.

[darren6]

Thanks Paul and Avant for the opportunity.... gutted you didn't want my fingernails and toenails clippings. The wife would be pleased that those can go straight in the bin now!

[inefficiency of]

Massive congratulations to winners from UAA!

I’m not really sure what I’m to do with my fingered monsters now. The Mrs saw them this morning and asked why the fuck are these pieces of shit on the side, I explained the swap shop. She said no wonder you lost, these are fucking awful. Unfortunately, I think she’s right. She’s a fan of a pickle though. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[Newar]

Congrats guys ! and well done AA and Paul

[Lroy]

The message/post/text was very complicated for me…
I did not understood anything apart that I did not won..
Thank you !

[drip]

Sept 4, 2023 14:21:25 GMT 1 Terry Fuckwitt said:

Well done AA and PINS for such a great comp👌Congrats to all the worthy winners... except Owl Man aka Postal Pirate aka Kyle who's a dirty scammer and should receive nothing but a court summons

Kyle's had an up and down month with pins, eh? I'm super happy for him though.

[mojo]

Well done to the winners, great offerings... that crochet thing is ace.

Damn it, now I have to clear out that cupboard some other way.
If anyone wants to buy 3 boxes of brick slips please get in touch... before I go down the gumtree route.  

*just to add that even looking at that puffer fish almost made me faint.

[drip]

Yeah, that crochet thing is stonking. Very cool.

[met]

Sept 4, 2023 14:08:44 GMT 1 Avant Arte said:

A MESSAGE FROM PAUL:
I now know how Sharon Osbourne feels
judging The X Factor. Over 400 swap’s
entered, and the range of swap's wildly diverse.
Pile's of plastic, body parts, dead fish, magic lesson’s
and lots of sentimental objects, some swap's I’d say
were boarder line child trafficking lol.

Annoyingly, Simon Cowell and Mel B pulled
out from the judging panel yesterday. So I was left
with no choice but to embrace the power of
a high-performance, military grade quantum supercomputer
to run advanced data scaling calculations of every
comprehensive digital swap received across all
official cybernated ecosystem’s.

Simulating multiple sizeable rendered files,
and deploying a wealth of classical physics
programs un-known to humankind. The vast
supercollider’s conducting processor’s excited
the self alternative AI nano transformative
technology's to optimise and compress the
complex swap megadata.

It did struggled at first due to the degree of complexity’s,
no computer has the working memory to handle all
possible swap permutation's presented.

Combining never before seen technique's,
and integrating error mitigation hypothesis,
molecular behavioural algorithm's began
to weave new synthetic tunnels with faster
multidimensional approaches to solving the
reduced decision pattern in this accelerating
problem to discover the final answer's.
Circuits of chemical ions trapped within magnetic
lithium fields, self developed multiple, tactical and
cloud-based models which led to the analogue
computing of the all important, and final
automated list of winners.

I've been advised, not to argue
with the computer's final decision.

Winning swaps in no particular order

• Dottman crochets plush
• Uri Gellers spoons
• Pins Advent Meme Calendar 2023
• FBI Identikit
• Derwent ltd pencil set
• LSD is my problem child
• OJ Simpson family photo
• The Paul Insect, Insect Hotel**

Thanks to everyone who took part. Your swaps were great!
Your data has been stored and will be used at a later date.
All the lucky winners shall be contacted.

I've have decided to offer ten runner up prizes,
it was that hard to choose. The problems I give myself.

Due to the number of amazing
swaps entered. The swaps listed below
shall receive a special consolation
prize for their swap submission.
You will be contacted.

• Carbon Prosthetic running leg - Thank you for your swap offer
• 2hrs Free Child Care on the Dover to Calais Ferry crossing. - can you do 25 May 2026?
• Magic Lessons with DNA Darren - sounds fun
• 20ton restored tramway tram.- Would love to come and visit one day.
• Grandparents used gravestone
• 6m tall inflatable waving blue H - Really wanted this.
• The human owl man - You were on and off the top list so many times.
• Deflated pineapple pool - classy
• Full size Egyptian sarcophagus - May be in Australia later this year so can test the fit,
• Bottle of Sauternes 1971 - Perfect to finish this list off.

Sept 4, 2023 14:21:25 GMT 1 Terry Fuckwitt said:

Well done AA and PINS for such a great comp👌Congrats to all the worthy winners... except Owl Man aka Postal Pirate aka Kyle who's a dirty scammer and should receive nothing but a court summons

If Paul Insect has the time and inclination to read the forum thread below, it may offer him some inspiration when deciding what special consolation prize would be most suited for dregs of society like the human owl man, Postal Pirate.


urbanartassociation.com/thread/186087/confirmed-genuine-cut-run-badge


__________


Congratulations to all of the other winners.

[Lroy]

Sept 4, 2023 16:24:49 GMT 1 drip said:

Yeah, that crochet thing is stonking. Very cool.

Yes that home made crochet thing is the first prize for me, from
far ! Original, hard working, funny, she or he don’t had to offering rare pieces from the attic, nor gifts from the past, nor pricey gifts etc  ( for or from lucky people with a easy life ). The video and the pics are great too ( the crochet). 

As the pic from Drip ! 

I juste did not understood the speciality or interest of these spoons.. 🥄 

Who is Kyle/owl etc .. I’m an old one here but I can’t see who he is. I just « 

hate «  (all is relative, I don’t care in fact) multiple accounts, it’s for cowards. 

[astbury]

Sept 4, 2023 16:42:14 GMT 1 Lroy said:

Sept 4, 2023 16:24:49 GMT 1 drip said:

Yeah, that crochet thing is stonking. Very cool.

Yes that home made crochet thing is the first prize for me, from
far ! Original, hard working, funny, she or he don’t had to offering rare pieces from the attic, nor gifts from the past, nor pricey gifts etc  ( for or from lucky people with a easy life ). The video and the pics are great too ( the crochet). 

As the pic from Drip !

Who is Kyle/owl etc .. I’m an old one here but I can’t see who he is. I just « 

hate «  (all is relative, I don’t care in fact) multiple accounts, it’s for cowards. 

Justarock(kyle) on discord Postal Pirate on here was the guy selling the fake Banksy pins on eBay, that sent them to the Oxfam shop

[mojo]

Sept 4, 2023 16:55:54 GMT 1 drip said:

Sept 4, 2023 16:42:14 GMT 1 Lroy said:

Yes that home made crochet thing is the first prize for me, from
far ! Original, hard working, funny, she or he don’t had to offering rare pieces from the attic, nor gifts from the past, nor pricey gifts etc  ( for or from lucky people with a easy life ). The video and the pics are great too ( the crochet). 

As the pic from Drip ! 

I juste did not understood the speciality or interest of these spoons.. 🥄 

Who is Kyle/owl etc .. I’m an old one here but I can’t see who he is. I just « 

hate «  (all is relative, I don’t care in fact) multiple accounts, it’s for cowards. 

Uri Geller has a very strange appeal about him. Some might say it's almost magnetic. I worked at a convention once that he was attending, and watched over an entire weekend as folk, hundreds of them, if not thousands, queued with various items from their cutlery drawers so they could get spoons and forks signed by the man. He was very popular. Turned up in a car covered in bent cutlery. Be terrifying if you didn't know what it was. I briefly met him and he seemed very nice, but you can never really tell, eh?

Anyway that same weekend I also met the actress Ingrid Pitt, and she would *not* leave me and my colleagues alone. She harassed us all weekend. Everywhere I stepped, there was Ingrid Pitt. During a lull in proceedings, she asked whether I thought she should stand on a table and sing an old Hungarian folk song (there are no new ones). I told her no, but that didn't stop her. She was absolutely lovely, a delight, but at one point I did think I was going to have to use a fire extinguisher on her.

In her defence, her standing on the table and singing *did* get people to come over. Concerned people, mostly.

I only mention her because my colleagues and I were all joking about Uri Geller and at one point I noticed my watch had stopped working. We put it down to either when I shook Uri Geller's hand or the hours I'd spent too close to Ingrid Pitt.

At the end of the weekend, we'd loaded the van up, and as we pulled away to leave, who should step out, right in front of our van - Ingrid bloody Pitt.

We almost killed her.

She just wanted to say goodbye and hug us. She was lovely.

Anyway, I remember saying to my colleagues, if we could just leave the arena without running over a film actress, that would be great. She was very intense.

When we stopped at the motorway services, I checked the back, as well as the roof of the van, to make sure she wasn't there.

Anyway, yeah, Uri Geller - very popular with certain folk. 

Bendy Fork Folk & the Queen of the Horrors!

[its all about me]

Sept 4, 2023 15:50:07 GMT 1 Lroy said:

The message/post/text was very complicated for me…
I did not understood anything apart that I did not won..
Thank you !

Don't worry.  I am a native English speaker and even I didn't know half of what he was talking about.  

[artzhole]

Congratulations to all the successful swapers, I really enjoyed the swap shop and seeing all the funny unwanted bits & pieces, oddities ect.. & hopefully we will see more of things like this in the future. 
Cheers Paul & Avant & all you swapers for letting at have a peep into your weird worlds
Great stuff 👍😎

[Javier]

My entry for the swap shop is this old longines watch. It belonged to my grandmother’s brother, and left it to me when he died.

I’m afraid the original strap was substituted by that gold or golden chain. Bad decision whoever did it.

Still in use, you can perfectly rely on it not to miss deadlines. Wait…

[sfnyc]

Since Pins didn't want the boat, if anyone in the San Francisco bay area wants to meetup for Pins inspired cocktails on the boat one afternoon, hit me up and we can see what day we can organize this. The boat is at a marina in Sausalito. Can accommodate 6-7 of us roughly

[Smokeidaeye]

Congrats to all of the winnner! Sorry I fell short with all of my offers but now I'm off to eBay to list all of the junk I dug up.


Via Paul's IG account, winning swaps in no particular order:

• Dottman crochets plush
• Uri Gellers spoons
• Pins Advent Meme Calendar 2023
• FBI Identikit
• Derwent ltd pencil set
• LSD is my problem child
• OJ Simpson family photo
• The Paul Insect, Insect Hotel

Plus some runners-up:

The swaps listed below shall receive a special consolation prize for their swap submission. You will be contacted.

Carbon Prosthetic running leg.
2hrs Free Child Care on the Dover to Calais Ferry crossing.
Magic Lessons with DNA Darren.
20ton restored tram.
Grandparents used gravestone.
6m tall inflatable waving blue H.
The human owl man.
Deflated pineapple pool.
Full size Egyptian sarcophagus.
Bottle of Sauternes 1971.

[zan]

Thank you drip,I can't believe I won,although I should have seen it coming.

[Daylight Robber]

Am at a bit of a loss for words, that my my swap was accepted. So many weird and wonderful offers by comparison that I thought I'd maybe misinterpreted the mission!

Obviously very grateful to the artist and to Avant Arte that I was picked. Thanks.

[Dahmer]

Not saying I should or would of won but avant didn’t actually open my DM via instagram

some proper mad entries though

[amputeerich]

Sept 4, 2023 17:58:23 GMT 1 Smokeidaeye said:

Congrats to all of the winnner! Sorry I fell short with all of my offers but now I'm off to eBay to list all of the junk I dug up.


Via Paul's IG account, winning swaps in no particular order:

• Dottman crochets plush
• Uri Gellers spoons
• Pins Advent Meme Calendar 2023
• FBI Identikit
• Derwent ltd pencil set
• LSD is my problem child
• OJ Simpson family photo
• The Paul Insect, Insect Hotel

Plus some runners-up:

The swaps listed below shall receive a special consolation prize for their swap submission. You will be contacted.

Carbon Prosthetic running leg.
2hrs Free Child Care on the Dover to Calais Ferry crossing.
Magic Lessons with DNA Darren.
20ton restored tram.
Grandparents used gravestone.
6m tall inflatable waving blue H.
The human owl man.
Deflated pineapple pool.
Full size Egyptian sarcophagus.
Bottle of Sauternes 1971.

Oh nice, I won a consolation prize. Excited to see what it might be! A small original canvas would fit the bill… ha! Awesome to see such a mad array of stuff, they should make it an annual thing. 

[kapusta]

Congrats to the winners and giant kudos to Paul and Avant Arte for setting this up. Glad we got to see the winning swaps, such an odd assortment of... treasures? 😅

[Dinin]

Aug 31, 2023 21:19:12 GMT 1 Dinin said:

I would like to offer these two 2kg bags of banana and shrimp sweets that my brother bought me thinking that a) I was our dad, and b) were 200g bags.

Fine, whatever. Guess I'll just eat them then. Didn't want teeth anyway.

Seriously though congrats to those who won, 'twas good sport.