kunstrasen
Artist
Junior Member
Posts โข 2,170
Likes โข 1,134
August 2009
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by kunstrasen on Feb 19, 2011 18:24:16 GMT 1, ...from around the world.
Find the silliest true story from around the world to post here on the forum and win an copy of Arkitip 0056 JR Magazine with two photographs.
Competition runs until it gets boring.
Join in and enjoy!
2 photographs limited edition of 1000
alongside the also limited edition magazine
EDIT: pics of the price added.
...from around the world. Find the silliest true story from around the world to post here on the forum and win an copy of Arkitip 0056 JR Magazine with two photographs. Competition runs until it gets boring. Join in and enjoy! 2 photographs limited edition of 1000 alongside the also limited edition magazine EDIT: pics of the price added. |
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stringer64
New Member
Posts โข 613
Likes โข 31
November 2010
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by stringer64 on Feb 19, 2011 18:31:11 GMT 1, Found this on the net: not sure if it is funny or sad!
Surfing Porn at the Office Can Lead to a Promotion
09/05/2010
18 Comments
Washington D.C. - A controversial new study recently released by researchers from the Advanced Institute of Management Studies (AIMS) purports to show that men who surf porn at the office are up to 69 percent more likely to be promoted to a management position when compared to men who refrain from such activities.
In another surprising discovery based on the same research, scientists reported that as many as 6.9 percent of male white collar employees spend at least two hours per day viewing pornography on any given work day, with Wednesday being the day of peak porn viewing activity.
"It would be an understatement to say that we were thrilled to uncover these results," said lead researcher and project coordinator Dr. Thad Chadwatcher. "Any average white collar male who, in the past worried about their workplace porn viewing, can now rest easy as such actions will surely be seen by upper management as a career-enhancing activity based on this most recent research."
According to Dr. Chadwatcher, the seemingly surprising results of his research may be less counter-intuitive than initially believed when one considers that Alpha males, who typically have risen up the corporate ladder faster than others, are also usually much more sexually active than their sexless cubicle co-dwellers due to elevated testosterone levels.
"If you think about it logically, it makes perfect sense to promote the heaviest porn users, as they are already going to have the qualities and leadership skills necessary to drive a business forward," he explained.
It could also be a factor in why so many politicians, police and others in leadership positions are so often caught up in sex scandals, as they also tend to surrender critical thinking skills to their p***s, he said.
"I think it is about time that we recognize the power that sex plays inside the office, and start to reward those who follow their natural instincts at the office," Dr. Chadwatcher said. "Only then will we get the business leadership that we need to sustain the economy, without all of the politically correct sexual oppression that exists today."
On a related research note, it was found that women who view porn in the office are probably militant lesbians and should be kept as far away from the corporate management structure as possible.
Found this on the net: not sure if it is funny or sad!
Surfing Porn at the Office Can Lead to a Promotion
09/05/2010
18 Comments
Washington D.C. - A controversial new study recently released by researchers from the Advanced Institute of Management Studies (AIMS) purports to show that men who surf porn at the office are up to 69 percent more likely to be promoted to a management position when compared to men who refrain from such activities.
In another surprising discovery based on the same research, scientists reported that as many as 6.9 percent of male white collar employees spend at least two hours per day viewing pornography on any given work day, with Wednesday being the day of peak porn viewing activity.
"It would be an understatement to say that we were thrilled to uncover these results," said lead researcher and project coordinator Dr. Thad Chadwatcher. "Any average white collar male who, in the past worried about their workplace porn viewing, can now rest easy as such actions will surely be seen by upper management as a career-enhancing activity based on this most recent research."
According to Dr. Chadwatcher, the seemingly surprising results of his research may be less counter-intuitive than initially believed when one considers that Alpha males, who typically have risen up the corporate ladder faster than others, are also usually much more sexually active than their sexless cubicle co-dwellers due to elevated testosterone levels.
"If you think about it logically, it makes perfect sense to promote the heaviest porn users, as they are already going to have the qualities and leadership skills necessary to drive a business forward," he explained.
It could also be a factor in why so many politicians, police and others in leadership positions are so often caught up in sex scandals, as they also tend to surrender critical thinking skills to their p***s, he said.
"I think it is about time that we recognize the power that sex plays inside the office, and start to reward those who follow their natural instincts at the office," Dr. Chadwatcher said. "Only then will we get the business leadership that we need to sustain the economy, without all of the politically correct sexual oppression that exists today."
On a related research note, it was found that women who view porn in the office are probably militant lesbians and should be kept as far away from the corporate management structure as possible.
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MGK1
Junior Member
Posts โข 1,282
Likes โข 561
May 2010
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by MGK1 on Feb 21, 2011 11:15:49 GMT 1, i thought this was fairly topical:
(31 July 2009, South Carolina) Two disguised men entered a Sprint store on Sparkleberry Lane, pulled out guns, and stole wallets, purses, and credit cards from employees before ordering them into a bathroom. Both men fled, but they could not flee from their own stupidity. 23-year-old James T. had disguised himself by painting his face gold.
Yes, in order to conceal his identity during the robbery, James had covered his skin with spray paint. If this isn't a Darwin Award, what is? Paints are clearly labelled, do not get on skin, do not get in eyes, do not inhale. Paint fumes are well-known to be toxic, and the metallic colors are particularly noxious. James began having trouble breathing (surprise!) and died wheezing shortly after the robbery took place.
To add insult to injury, the disguise was ineffective. Witnesses were certain as to the identity of their assailant. Had he lived, James, like his surviving accomplice, would have been charged with armed robbery.
i thought this was fairly topical:
(31 July 2009, South Carolina) Two disguised men entered a Sprint store on Sparkleberry Lane, pulled out guns, and stole wallets, purses, and credit cards from employees before ordering them into a bathroom. Both men fled, but they could not flee from their own stupidity. 23-year-old James T. had disguised himself by painting his face gold.
Yes, in order to conceal his identity during the robbery, James had covered his skin with spray paint. If this isn't a Darwin Award, what is? Paints are clearly labelled, do not get on skin, do not get in eyes, do not inhale. Paint fumes are well-known to be toxic, and the metallic colors are particularly noxious. James began having trouble breathing (surprise!) and died wheezing shortly after the robbery took place.
To add insult to injury, the disguise was ineffective. Witnesses were certain as to the identity of their assailant. Had he lived, James, like his surviving accomplice, would have been charged with armed robbery.
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MGK1
Junior Member
Posts โข 1,282
Likes โข 561
May 2010
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by MGK1 on Feb 21, 2011 11:27:29 GMT 1, Polish farmer Krystof Azninski, who staked a strong claim to being Europe's most macho man by cutting off his own head in 1995. Azninski, 30, had been drinking with friends when it was suggested they strip naked and play some "men's games". Initially they hit each other over the head with frozen turnips, but then one man upped the ante by seizing a chainsaw and cutting off the end of his foot. Not to be outdone, Azninski grabbed the saw and, shouting "Watch this then," he swung at his own head and chopped it off.
Polish farmer Krystof Azninski, who staked a strong claim to being Europe's most macho man by cutting off his own head in 1995. Azninski, 30, had been drinking with friends when it was suggested they strip naked and play some "men's games". Initially they hit each other over the head with frozen turnips, but then one man upped the ante by seizing a chainsaw and cutting off the end of his foot. Not to be outdone, Azninski grabbed the saw and, shouting "Watch this then," he swung at his own head and chopped it off.
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Deleted
Posts โข 0
Likes โข
January 1970
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by Deleted on Feb 21, 2011 12:12:47 GMT 1, Local newspaper correction, from The Morning Bulletin, Rockhampton., Queensland.
Local newspaper correction, from The Morning Bulletin, Rockhampton., Queensland. |
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schnulli
New Member
Posts โข 735
Likes โข 13
February 2010
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by schnulli on Feb 21, 2011 13:02:59 GMT 1, Always loved this one
Always loved this one |
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ilmambo
Junior Member
Posts โข 2,336
Likes โข 240
March 2010
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by ilmambo on Feb 21, 2011 13:08:15 GMT 1, this one is old but still funny.
Xing, a 41 year-old man, was calling from LanTian park in the middle of the night. The lonely and disturbed man had apparently thought it would be fun to have sex with one of the steel sit-up benches around the park.
The bench has numerous small holes in it, which Xing used to attempt to satisfy himself. However, once he became aroused he found that he was stuck and could not get his p***s out of the small hole.
He panicked and called the police to help him.
When police arrive they found Xian stuck face down where he had been stuck for some time.
When doctors arrived on the scene they tried to release some of the pressure by removing some of his blood, but the p***s was so swollen that they ended up having to cut the entire bench free and take it, with Xian attached, to the hospital.
4 painful hours later, Doctors finally separated Xian from his bench.
Doctors stated that if he had been stuck for even an hour longer, they would have had to remove his p***s.
this one is old but still funny.
Xing, a 41 year-old man, was calling from LanTian park in the middle of the night. The lonely and disturbed man had apparently thought it would be fun to have sex with one of the steel sit-up benches around the park.
The bench has numerous small holes in it, which Xing used to attempt to satisfy himself. However, once he became aroused he found that he was stuck and could not get his p***s out of the small hole.
He panicked and called the police to help him.
When police arrive they found Xian stuck face down where he had been stuck for some time.
When doctors arrived on the scene they tried to release some of the pressure by removing some of his blood, but the p***s was so swollen that they ended up having to cut the entire bench free and take it, with Xian attached, to the hospital.
4 painful hours later, Doctors finally separated Xian from his bench.
Doctors stated that if he had been stuck for even an hour longer, they would have had to remove his p***s. |
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profgyro
New Member
Posts โข 55
Likes โข 0
December 2010
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by profgyro on Feb 22, 2011 12:36:53 GMT 1, I saw this story a few weeks ago on yahoo!mail. It's totally ridiculous! 
Sal the Cat summoned for jury service... and court rules he 'must attend'
A pet cat has been summoned for jury duty - and has been told by courts he 'must attend'
Despite owner Anna Esposito's protestations that a mistake has been made, a jury commissioner has ruled that Sal must attend the court.
She wrote that Sal was 'unable to speak and understand English' - and included a letter from her vet saying that the animal was a 'domestic short-haired neutered feline'
Bizarrely, the court ruled the animal must report to the courtroom. If the matter is not resolved he will have to report to Suffolk Superior Crown Court in Boston, U.S. on March 23.
Anna wrote her Sal's name under 'pets' on the last census - she crossed out 'dogs' and said he was a cat.
She said: 'When they ask him guilty or not guilty? What's he supposed to say - miaow?
'Sal is a member of the family so I listed him on the last Census form under pets but there has clearly been a mix-up.'
Husband Guy added: 'I said, Sal, what's this? I was shocked. He likes to sit on my knee and watch crime shows with me but even so he's still under qualified for jury duty if you ask me.'
There are ten statutory disqualifications preventing people from serving on a jury - and Mrs Esposito said Sal was not suitable because he could not understand the language.
However, jurors are 'not expected' to have a perfect command of the English language.
The other exemptions did not apply because Sal was not ill, too old or a convicted felon.
It is thought he accidentally ended up on the juror list when paperwork was misread at the last census.
(Original article: MailOnline 18/01/11.)
;D ;D
I saw this story a few weeks ago on yahoo!mail. It's totally ridiculous! Sal the Cat summoned for jury service... and court rules he 'must attend'A pet cat has been summoned for jury duty - and has been told by courts he 'must attend' Despite owner Anna Esposito's protestations that a mistake has been made, a jury commissioner has ruled that Sal must attend the court. She wrote that Sal was 'unable to speak and understand English' - and included a letter from her vet saying that the animal was a 'domestic short-haired neutered feline' Bizarrely, the court ruled the animal must report to the courtroom. If the matter is not resolved he will have to report to Suffolk Superior Crown Court in Boston, U.S. on March 23. Anna wrote her Sal's name under 'pets' on the last census - she crossed out 'dogs' and said he was a cat. She said: 'When they ask him guilty or not guilty? What's he supposed to say - miaow? 'Sal is a member of the family so I listed him on the last Census form under pets but there has clearly been a mix-up.' Husband Guy added: 'I said, Sal, what's this? I was shocked. He likes to sit on my knee and watch crime shows with me but even so he's still under qualified for jury duty if you ask me.' There are ten statutory disqualifications preventing people from serving on a jury - and Mrs Esposito said Sal was not suitable because he could not understand the language. However, jurors are 'not expected' to have a perfect command of the English language. The other exemptions did not apply because Sal was not ill, too old or a convicted felon. It is thought he accidentally ended up on the juror list when paperwork was misread at the last census. (Original article: MailOnline 18/01/11.) ;D ;D |
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by bazzj04 on Feb 22, 2011 12:42:15 GMT 1, Heres a little local piece of news i found funny, makes me smile as this is where i live and shows a small section of the mentality of a few. only a few ha ha
A would-be sailor bought a motor cruiser on the internet then set off on a round-Britain trip armed with nothing more than a road map and a radio he didn't know how to use.
Little wonder then, that the bungling mariner took a wrong turn shortly after setting out from Gillingham and ended up circling the Isle of Sheppey.
The 45-year-old man, who has not been named, had to be rescued after running out of fuel have gone round the eight-mile wide island for a day-and-a-half.
Rescuer Tom Ware said: 'Because he had no chart, his general principle was to keep the land on his right, except he didn't realise Sheppey was an Island.
'It took him a day-and-a-half to get from Gillingham to where he ran out of fuel.'
The boat only had a 20-litre fuel tank and a 20 horse power engine - not designed for sea use.
The sailor thought that because he could drive in his car to Southampton using a single tank of fuel, he only needed one tank of fuel for the vessel.
He also made the mistake of taking a VHF radio, but did not know how to use it and he had no provisions onboard.
Coastguards, who met the man at Queenborough, advised him that engine sizes and therefore fuel consumption differs and the coast route was longer than the road distance in any case.
Coastguard Ian Goodwin said: 'We passed on relevant safety advice and advised him that the best way to Southampton would be by train.
'However, he said he would get some fuel and get under way but asked us if he went left or right when he came out of the Swale.'
It is not known whether the man made it to Southampton.
Heres a little local piece of news i found funny, makes me smile as this is where i live and shows a small section of the mentality of a few. only a few ha ha
A would-be sailor bought a motor cruiser on the internet then set off on a round-Britain trip armed with nothing more than a road map and a radio he didn't know how to use.
Little wonder then, that the bungling mariner took a wrong turn shortly after setting out from Gillingham and ended up circling the Isle of Sheppey.
The 45-year-old man, who has not been named, had to be rescued after running out of fuel have gone round the eight-mile wide island for a day-and-a-half.
Rescuer Tom Ware said: 'Because he had no chart, his general principle was to keep the land on his right, except he didn't realise Sheppey was an Island.
'It took him a day-and-a-half to get from Gillingham to where he ran out of fuel.'
The boat only had a 20-litre fuel tank and a 20 horse power engine - not designed for sea use.
The sailor thought that because he could drive in his car to Southampton using a single tank of fuel, he only needed one tank of fuel for the vessel.
He also made the mistake of taking a VHF radio, but did not know how to use it and he had no provisions onboard.
Coastguards, who met the man at Queenborough, advised him that engine sizes and therefore fuel consumption differs and the coast route was longer than the road distance in any case.
Coastguard Ian Goodwin said: 'We passed on relevant safety advice and advised him that the best way to Southampton would be by train.
'However, he said he would get some fuel and get under way but asked us if he went left or right when he came out of the Swale.'
It is not known whether the man made it to Southampton.
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stringer64
New Member
Posts โข 613
Likes โข 31
November 2010
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by stringer64 on Feb 23, 2011 0:39:22 GMT 1, Only in Oz...
Friday, 03 September 2010
A school in Melbourne, Australia has experienced a backlash from the public for changing the last line of Marion Sinclair's iconic Australian folk song Kookaburra Sits in the Old Gum Tree from "Laugh, kookaburra, laugh, kookaburra, gay your life must be" to "fun your life must be".
Gary Martin, principal of Le Page Primary School in Melbourne, claims that he changed the lyrics as he thought that "the kids will roll around the floor in fits of laughter" upon hearing the original lyrics. Martin wanted to reduce classroom disruption by omitting the word "gay", here used to mean "happy", as it was also commonly used as a playground insult. "For example, if a boy is not particularly good at sport, they will refer to that child as gay," he continued.
Martin told the Nine Network, "I wasn't trying to incite or insult gay people, [..] it was just a decision at the time that I thought would minimise a disruptive atmosphere with grades one and two".
Information from: Wikinews, www.wikinews.org
Only in Oz... Friday, 03 September 2010 A school in Melbourne, Australia has experienced a backlash from the public for changing the last line of Marion Sinclair's iconic Australian folk song Kookaburra Sits in the Old Gum Tree from "Laugh, kookaburra, laugh, kookaburra, gay your life must be" to "fun your life must be". Gary Martin, principal of Le Page Primary School in Melbourne, claims that he changed the lyrics as he thought that "the kids will roll around the floor in fits of laughter" upon hearing the original lyrics. Martin wanted to reduce classroom disruption by omitting the word "gay", here used to mean "happy", as it was also commonly used as a playground insult. "For example, if a boy is not particularly good at sport, they will refer to that child as gay," he continued. Martin told the Nine Network, "I wasn't trying to incite or insult gay people, [..] it was just a decision at the time that I thought would minimise a disruptive atmosphere with grades one and two". Information from: Wikinews, www.wikinews.org |
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stringer64
New Member
Posts โข 613
Likes โข 31
November 2010
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by stringer64 on Feb 23, 2011 0:41:50 GMT 1, Or then again...
Monday, 26 April 2010
Anke Anusic, age 44, and her mother Gitta, age 66, were arrested at Liverpool John Lennon Airport last Saturday for attempting to smuggle the body of their deceased 91-year-old relative, "Willi" Curt Jaran, on a flight to Berlin, Germany.
The women tried to take the body on to the plane in a wheelchair wearing sunglasses, and they claimed that the person was asleep. They had previously used a taxi to bring the corpse from their home in Oldham.
The deception was discovered by check-in staff; both airport staff and the taxi driver are said to be upset by the events. Though they have not explained their actions, the costs of transporting a body can be several thousand pounds. They have been arrested on suspicion of failing to report a death. Both women are German nationals.
The two women, however, claim that Mr Jaran was alive until check in.
Information from: Wikinews, www.wikinews.org
Or then again... Monday, 26 April 2010 Anke Anusic, age 44, and her mother Gitta, age 66, were arrested at Liverpool John Lennon Airport last Saturday for attempting to smuggle the body of their deceased 91-year-old relative, "Willi" Curt Jaran, on a flight to Berlin, Germany. The women tried to take the body on to the plane in a wheelchair wearing sunglasses, and they claimed that the person was asleep. They had previously used a taxi to bring the corpse from their home in Oldham. The deception was discovered by check-in staff; both airport staff and the taxi driver are said to be upset by the events. Though they have not explained their actions, the costs of transporting a body can be several thousand pounds. They have been arrested on suspicion of failing to report a death. Both women are German nationals. The two women, however, claim that Mr Jaran was alive until check in. Information from: Wikinews, www.wikinews.org |
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kunstrasen
Artist
Junior Member
Posts โข 2,170
Likes โข 1,134
August 2009
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by kunstrasen on Jun 7, 2011 19:26:54 GMT 1, RELOADED...replacement price received yesterday after ordering last year. Hope that price works as well. Time for some more silly true stories!
RELOADED...replacement price received yesterday after ordering last year. Hope that price works as well. Time for some more silly true stories!
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tobaum
Junior Member
Posts โข 1,077
Likes โข 7
November 2009
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by tobaum on Jun 8, 2011 15:19:01 GMT 1, lmao with the "New Toyota / New toy Yoda"
lmao with the "New Toyota / New toy Yoda"
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balibob
Junior Member
Posts โข 1,782
Likes โข 326
November 2010
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by balibob on Jun 8, 2011 15:54:46 GMT 1, From " World's craziest fools" curtesy of MR T.
Man phones up the emergency services in the USA:
operator : "hello 911 what service do you require?"
man : "please can you send an ambulance, my wife has been gored by a boar"
operator : "ok sir can you please let me have your address"
man : "2115 Eucalyptus Avenue, please hurry she's bleeding real bad"
operator : 2115 Eucalyptus Avenue, can you spell that for me please sir"
BIG PAUSE
man : " hold on a couple of minutes, I'm going to drag her over to Oak Avenue"
Made me howl. ;D
From " World's craziest fools" curtesy of MR T.
Man phones up the emergency services in the USA:
operator : "hello 911 what service do you require?"
man : "please can you send an ambulance, my wife has been gored by a boar"
operator : "ok sir can you please let me have your address"
man : "2115 Eucalyptus Avenue, please hurry she's bleeding real bad"
operator : 2115 Eucalyptus Avenue, can you spell that for me please sir"
BIG PAUSE
man : " hold on a couple of minutes, I'm going to drag her over to Oak Avenue"
Made me howl. ;D
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Martin DK
Junior Member
Posts โข 3,768
Likes โข 987
August 2008
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by Martin DK on Jun 8, 2011 16:06:00 GMT 1, Dubai Wife Sues Husband For $12M For Depriving Her Of Conjugal Rights
Wednesday, 04 May 2011
- An Emirati man was being sued for 45 million dirhams ($12.25 million) for not having sex with his wife, who claimed that his failure to perform caused her mental anguish, a court heard.
The unidentified woman said her husband did not sleep with her during the first four months of their marriage in 2008 and that she later discovered he suffered from erectile dysfunction, Gulf News reported Wednesday.
Court records filed by the woman allege that her husband, who she is now divorced from, failed to fulfil her needs.
"Considering the conservative Arab values and the woman's situation in such a society, I remained silent and tried to adapt [by] praying to God that things would improve," she said.
But the woman is now seeking 45 million dirhams in compensation and claims that the defendant -- who has reportedly been married more than 12 times -- also forced her out of her employment and stripped her of her jewelery.
The case is pending before Dubai courts.
ohh dear ;D ;D
Dubai Wife Sues Husband For $12M For Depriving Her Of Conjugal Rights
Wednesday, 04 May 2011
- An Emirati man was being sued for 45 million dirhams ($12.25 million) for not having sex with his wife, who claimed that his failure to perform caused her mental anguish, a court heard.
The unidentified woman said her husband did not sleep with her during the first four months of their marriage in 2008 and that she later discovered he suffered from erectile dysfunction, Gulf News reported Wednesday.
Court records filed by the woman allege that her husband, who she is now divorced from, failed to fulfil her needs.
"Considering the conservative Arab values and the woman's situation in such a society, I remained silent and tried to adapt [by] praying to God that things would improve," she said.
But the woman is now seeking 45 million dirhams in compensation and claims that the defendant -- who has reportedly been married more than 12 times -- also forced her out of her employment and stripped her of her jewelery.
The case is pending before Dubai courts.
ohh dear ;D ;D
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voodoo1967
New Member
Posts โข 25
Likes โข 5
June 2010
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by voodoo1967 on Jun 8, 2011 16:12:40 GMT 1, (March 1989, South Carolina) Michael Anderson Godwin was a lucky murderer whose death sentence had been commuted to life in prison. Ironically, he was sitting on the metal toilet in his cell and attempting to fix the TV set when he bit down on a live wire and electrocuted himself.
(March 1989, South Carolina) Michael Anderson Godwin was a lucky murderer whose death sentence had been commuted to life in prison. Ironically, he was sitting on the metal toilet in his cell and attempting to fix the TV set when he bit down on a live wire and electrocuted himself.
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Hubble Bubble
Junior Member
Posts โข 4,095
Likes โข 3,527
December 2010
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by Hubble Bubble on Jun 8, 2011 16:22:45 GMT 1, My favourite isn't particularly PC but I laugh every time I read it:
An extract from Private Eye's "Funny Old World"
"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Vito Bustone told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.
Bustone, and his homosexual partner Kiki Rodriguez, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Faggot, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted 'Armageddon', my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Faggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot up the tube, igniting Mr Bustone's moustache and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which, in turn, ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball." Bustone suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Rodriguez suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.
Sheriff Hugo Root later told reporters: "It's Faggot I feel sorry for. Being stuffed up some queen's tradesman's entrance...."
My favourite isn't particularly PC but I laugh every time I read it:
An extract from Private Eye's "Funny Old World"
"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Vito Bustone told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.
Bustone, and his homosexual partner Kiki Rodriguez, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Faggot, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted 'Armageddon', my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Faggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot up the tube, igniting Mr Bustone's moustache and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which, in turn, ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball." Bustone suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Rodriguez suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.
Sheriff Hugo Root later told reporters: "It's Faggot I feel sorry for. Being stuffed up some queen's tradesman's entrance...."
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kunstrasen
Artist
Junior Member
Posts โข 2,170
Likes โข 1,134
August 2009
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by kunstrasen on Jun 9, 2011 21:13:08 GMT 1, Some amazing silly stories here, almost forgot how silly this world can get.
The toy Yoda stands out a bit, several others very close behind.
Only ones I've heard before where the one with the two mad German women and dead father, seen that on telly over here and the one with the boat around the island.
Keep the stories coming...
Some amazing silly stories here, almost forgot how silly this world can get.
The toy Yoda stands out a bit, several others very close behind.
Only ones I've heard before where the one with the two mad German women and dead father, seen that on telly over here and the one with the boat around the island.
Keep the stories coming...
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by Coach on Jun 9, 2011 22:38:55 GMT 1, "Itโs been labelled the worst disguise ever โ two men arrested over a burglary attempt in the US were found with fake beards and masks scrawled on their faces with a permanent marker"
Quality.
"Itโs been labelled the worst disguise ever โ two men arrested over a burglary attempt in the US were found with fake beards and masks scrawled on their faces with a permanent marker" Quality. |
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by xmyart on Jun 10, 2011 0:35:01 GMT 1, That one is classic stuff coach.
One of my faves was McDonalds drive through by Heathrow. Guy pulled in late at night ordered his food. They were cashing up at the time. Finished his order, Then gave him the wrong bag and handed over 7 or 8k of the nights takings. Suprisingly they didnt go back to get there food.
Was a good 15 years ago now and i cant find the story anywhere online.
That one is classic stuff coach.
One of my faves was McDonalds drive through by Heathrow. Guy pulled in late at night ordered his food. They were cashing up at the time. Finished his order, Then gave him the wrong bag and handed over 7 or 8k of the nights takings. Suprisingly they didnt go back to get there food.
Was a good 15 years ago now and i cant find the story anywhere online.
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kunstrasen
Artist
Junior Member
Posts โข 2,170
Likes โข 1,134
August 2009
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by kunstrasen on Jun 12, 2011 13:05:22 GMT 1, a bump to keep this going
a bump to keep this going
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by fingerz on Jun 12, 2011 14:33:26 GMT 1, While on a luxury cruise, the receptionist received a call from a distressed passenger. "I wish to inform you that there is a faulty electrical appliance in my suite. Could you please send someone over to have it repaired immediately?? asked a lady passenger, clearly upset.
"Certainly, I shall arrange for someone to look into the matter immediately. Which electrical appliance would that be?? asked the concierge.
"It?s the microwave. I?ve been trying to warm up some supper for myself but the microwave wouldn?t start,? replied the passenger.
"The microwave, Madam?? repeated the bewildered receptionist. "Yes, the microwave. You know, the heating device that is installed in the wardrobe,? replied the passenger sarcastically. "I?ve been trying for the past hour but my supper is still cold.?
Upon arriving at the suite, the receptionist found the lady passenger standing in front of the wardrobe, pressing vigorously at the control panel of the safe deposit box installed in the wardrobe. "Let me show you how what I have been trying. I key in the number of minutes here, but I don?t really know which one is the start button...?
* original story told by a Captain of a cruise liner.
While on a luxury cruise, the receptionist received a call from a distressed passenger. "I wish to inform you that there is a faulty electrical appliance in my suite. Could you please send someone over to have it repaired immediately?? asked a lady passenger, clearly upset.
"Certainly, I shall arrange for someone to look into the matter immediately. Which electrical appliance would that be?? asked the concierge.
"It?s the microwave. I?ve been trying to warm up some supper for myself but the microwave wouldn?t start,? replied the passenger.
"The microwave, Madam?? repeated the bewildered receptionist. "Yes, the microwave. You know, the heating device that is installed in the wardrobe,? replied the passenger sarcastically. "I?ve been trying for the past hour but my supper is still cold.?
Upon arriving at the suite, the receptionist found the lady passenger standing in front of the wardrobe, pressing vigorously at the control panel of the safe deposit box installed in the wardrobe. "Let me show you how what I have been trying. I key in the number of minutes here, but I don?t really know which one is the start button...?
* original story told by a Captain of a cruise liner.
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pcant
Junior Member
Posts โข 1,669
Likes โข 681
July 2010
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by pcant on Jun 12, 2011 20:28:12 GMT 1, HOQUIAM, Wash. (AP) - Police say a man was carrying a dead weasel when he burst into an apartment and assaulted a man in Washington state.
The victim asked, "Why are you carrying a weasel?" Police said the attacker answered, "It's not a weasel, it's a marten," then punched him in the nose and fled.
The attacker was apparently looking for his girlfriend and had gone to her former boyfriend's apartment Monday where the victim was a guest.
KXRO reports he left the carcass behind.
Police later found the 33-year-old Hoquiam man arguing with his girlfriend at another location and arrested him after a fight.
He said he had found the marten dead near Hoquiam, but police don't know why he carried it with him.
A marten is a member of the weasel family.
HOQUIAM, Wash. (AP) - Police say a man was carrying a dead weasel when he burst into an apartment and assaulted a man in Washington state.
The victim asked, "Why are you carrying a weasel?" Police said the attacker answered, "It's not a weasel, it's a marten," then punched him in the nose and fled.
The attacker was apparently looking for his girlfriend and had gone to her former boyfriend's apartment Monday where the victim was a guest.
KXRO reports he left the carcass behind.
Police later found the 33-year-old Hoquiam man arguing with his girlfriend at another location and arrested him after a fight.
He said he had found the marten dead near Hoquiam, but police don't know why he carried it with him.
A marten is a member of the weasel family.
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by fingerz on Jun 13, 2011 7:18:47 GMT 1, We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dra-matically in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence. Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and drove it 7.5 ft. into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works. One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is bro-ken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way. It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all. Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover. Time stood still. The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine. It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of crap lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses. Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a se-cond. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in be-tween but in reality it was so close together. It was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand. At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences. But Dad always had those piece of shit chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled. This one I could not let go of. The 8 ft. long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.
'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank! Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest, I think 'Oh God please die... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot. So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day. He left me there covered in my own flu-ids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created. I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire. I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned. There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the re-sulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire. Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things: 1 - Three of the fillings in my teeth have melted. 2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right). 3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think. 4 - My left eye will not open. 5 - My right eye will not close. 6 - The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that. 7 - My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long. 8 - I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???). That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow. The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.
We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dra-matically in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence. Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and drove it 7.5 ft. into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works. One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is bro-ken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way. It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all. Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover. Time stood still. The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine. It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of crap lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses. Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a se-cond. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in be-tween but in reality it was so close together. It was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand. At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences. But Dad always had those piece of shit chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled. This one I could not let go of. The 8 ft. long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.
'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank! Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest, I think 'Oh God please die... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot. So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day. He left me there covered in my own flu-ids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created. I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire. I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned. There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the re-sulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire. Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things: 1 - Three of the fillings in my teeth have melted. 2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right). 3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think. 4 - My left eye will not open. 5 - My right eye will not close. 6 - The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that. 7 - My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long. 8 - I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???). That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow. The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.
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tobaum
Junior Member
Posts โข 1,077
Likes โข 7
November 2009
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by tobaum on Jun 16, 2011 14:44:34 GMT 1, I want my nuggets!!
I want my nuggets!!
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by xmyart on Jun 18, 2011 12:00:37 GMT 1, Heres some usefull advice for you guys.
Bought this a while back now
Chucked the print on board that was in it. Never got round to doing anything so its been sat next to my bed in my room, cos im lazy, there are other places it could have gone.
Got pissed last night (can you see where thi is going!). Staggered into the bedroom, got undressed (you dont need to try and visualise this bit), and switched out the light. Staggered to bed, tripped on something and feel straight through the glass.
Frame now looks like this, as of 1.30 this morning:
And these are my injuries!!
This was a stupid thing for me to do last night!!! does that count?
Bit lucky really since by the time i realised what i had done (heard the glass smash as i feel into it, but it didnt really register), i was lying sideways and most of me was through the frame!!!
SO REMEMBER store your frames safely, or dont drink!!
Heres some usefull advice for you guys. Bought this a while back now Chucked the print on board that was in it. Never got round to doing anything so its been sat next to my bed in my room, cos im lazy, there are other places it could have gone. Got pissed last night (can you see where thi is going!). Staggered into the bedroom, got undressed (you dont need to try and visualise this bit), and switched out the light. Staggered to bed, tripped on something and feel straight through the glass. Frame now looks like this, as of 1.30 this morning: And these are my injuries!! This was a stupid thing for me to do last night!!! does that count? Bit lucky really since by the time i realised what i had done (heard the glass smash as i feel into it, but it didnt really register), i was lying sideways and most of me was through the frame!!! SO REMEMBER store your frames safely, or dont drink!! |
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by des77 on Jun 18, 2011 12:10:02 GMT 1, SO REMEMBER store your frames safely
like on a wall ? 
SO REMEMBER store your frames safely like on a wall ? |
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kunstrasen
Artist
Junior Member
Posts โข 2,170
Likes โข 1,134
August 2009
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by kunstrasen on Jun 29, 2011 18:06:43 GMT 1, competition still running 
competition still running |
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Young Squire
New Member
Posts โข 577
Likes โข 130
May 2007
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by Young Squire on Jun 29, 2011 19:20:19 GMT 1, The Oz Burka travesty:
Daily telegraph June 24 2011 (video of argument and full story via link at bottom):
1. Woman wearing full face covering is pulled over for minor traffic infraction.
2. Woman flips out at police officer even though he is polite and restrained the whole time.
3. Woman, not satisfied with abusing the cop, then files an official complaint accusing the officer of racism and abuse but doesnโt know the officer was filming the entire incedent from his police car. See link for full actual video. www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/sydney-nsw/jp-awad-chennaoui-did-not-see-face-behind-the-burqa/story-e6freuzi-1226080880188
4. Woman is sentenced to six well deserved months in jail because she filed a false accusation against someone that could have cost him his career and more.
5. Judge throws out conviction on appeal because the justice of the peace who took the womanโs sworn testimony cannot swear it was actually her because, you guessed it, the woman was wearing a full face covering when she signed and submitted it.
6. Several interviews have been given by her friends and family including the man who brought her to the office where she signed the statement where he said indeed it was her under the mask. He seems to be waffeling on that as is her son in other interviews.
The Oz Burka travesty: Daily telegraph June 24 2011 (video of argument and full story via link at bottom): 1. Woman wearing full face covering is pulled over for minor traffic infraction. 2. Woman flips out at police officer even though he is polite and restrained the whole time. 3. Woman, not satisfied with abusing the cop, then files an official complaint accusing the officer of racism and abuse but doesnโt know the officer was filming the entire incedent from his police car. See link for full actual video. www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/sydney-nsw/jp-awad-chennaoui-did-not-see-face-behind-the-burqa/story-e6freuzi-12260808801884. Woman is sentenced to six well deserved months in jail because she filed a false accusation against someone that could have cost him his career and more. 5. Judge throws out conviction on appeal because the justice of the peace who took the womanโs sworn testimony cannot swear it was actually her because, you guessed it, the woman was wearing a full face covering when she signed and submitted it. 6. Several interviews have been given by her friends and family including the man who brought her to the office where she signed the statement where he said indeed it was her under the mask. He seems to be waffeling on that as is her son in other interviews. |
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Deleted
Posts โข 0
Likes โข
January 1970
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Competition: Silliest true story... (reloaded), by Deleted on Jun 29, 2011 22:02:21 GMT 1, The Oz Burka travesty: Daily telegraph June 24 2011 (video of argument and full story via link at bottom): 1. Woman wearing full face covering is pulled over for minor traffic infraction. 2. Woman flips out at police officer even though he is polite and restrained the whole time. 3. Woman, not satisfied with abusing the cop, then files an official complaint accusing the officer of racism and abuse but doesnโt know the officer was filming the entire incedent from his police car. See link for full actual video. www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/sydney-nsw/jp-awad-chennaoui-did-not-see-face-behind-the-burqa/story-e6freuzi-12260808801884. Woman is sentenced to six well deserved months in jail because she filed a false accusation against someone that could have cost him his career and more. 5. Judge throws out conviction on appeal because the justice of the peace who took the womanโs sworn testimony cannot swear it was actually her because, you guessed it, the woman was wearing a full face covering when she signed and submitted it. 6. Several interviews have been given by her friends and family including the man who brought her to the office where she signed the statement where he said indeed it was her under the mask. He seems to be waffeling on that as is her son in other interviews.
I guess the thing that makes this news is that it's a one off, and racist cops are ten a penny.
The Oz Burka travesty: Daily telegraph June 24 2011 (video of argument and full story via link at bottom): 1. Woman wearing full face covering is pulled over for minor traffic infraction. 2. Woman flips out at police officer even though he is polite and restrained the whole time. 3. Woman, not satisfied with abusing the cop, then files an official complaint accusing the officer of racism and abuse but doesnโt know the officer was filming the entire incedent from his police car. See link for full actual video. www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/sydney-nsw/jp-awad-chennaoui-did-not-see-face-behind-the-burqa/story-e6freuzi-12260808801884. Woman is sentenced to six well deserved months in jail because she filed a false accusation against someone that could have cost him his career and more. 5. Judge throws out conviction on appeal because the justice of the peace who took the womanโs sworn testimony cannot swear it was actually her because, you guessed it, the woman was wearing a full face covering when she signed and submitted it. 6. Several interviews have been given by her friends and family including the man who brought her to the office where she signed the statement where he said indeed it was her under the mask. He seems to be waffeling on that as is her son in other interviews. I guess the thing that makes this news is that it's a one off, and racist cops are ten a penny. |
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